Filling Your CupSep 16, 2022
Growing up, I watched a lot of fairy tales. I remember story after story of the prince or princess finding their love, and only then, living happily ever after.
I felt bombarded by the messages that one person, career, or role (like parenthood), would eventually meet my needs from an early age.
When I've moved into absolute thinking — such as looking for a partner to meet all my needs, the search for my "dream job", or relying on parenthood as my primary identity — I've set myself up to have a lot of expectations on the person or role, and then guaranteed disappointment when things don't go my way.
One of the lifelong lessons that I am continuously investigating is to accept the reality that myself and the world around me are constantly changing; people move on, job circumstances change, and children grow up.
Through my training in psychology, I have also learned to not only identify my needs, but to explore a variety of ways to meet them such as self-care, friends, activities, volunteering, religious life, and other outlets.
The shift from looking to one person or thing to meet my needs to opening myself to all the different possibilities to meet my needs has been profound. I put less pressure on myself and others, and instead allow for surprising ways for my needs to be met that I never expected. For example, my career allows me to be creative in certain ways, but my pursuit of stone carving outside of work allows for my artistic side to come out as well.
That's why when I work with clients, I start by exploring their needs and understanding how they can look to other aspects of their lives to meet them and not just rely on their career.
I once had a client go out country line dancing to meet her needs for both physical movement and fun, and she ended up meeting her now-life partner out on the dance floor!
What ends up surprising my clients the most is how much joy and growth they can get from different areas in their life, in addition to their careers.
I often find that when my clients shift their dependency away from just one identity, person, or thing, they become open to the possibilities and allow a variety of areas to fill their cup.
Cheers to filling your cup!
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